Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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