he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize