u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
this beer tastes like vomit already
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize