i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize