Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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