he puts the penis in happiness.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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