You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The air taste purple.
Randomize
