I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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