Bisexual people are plain selfish.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
