allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want to be your penis for a week.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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