I'm really into asian looking animals
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
