Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
