When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
