dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
