I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
