bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
