Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
