They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
