True but thats because hes a fetus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
