She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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