I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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