Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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