You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
