wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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