I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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