I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
