So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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