Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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