PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
