did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
