this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
