If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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