Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
