I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My bed smells like the plague
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
