Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
