I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
