I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
