White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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