Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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