I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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