i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
