3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
