Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize