KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
