Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
