You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
