oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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