Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
