Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
