mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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