you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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