No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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