dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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