Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
