Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
