Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
