What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
