Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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