I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
