a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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