a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
