At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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