she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
