just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
