dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Walk of Shame today included voting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
