Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
