found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
