Your tits are I can't wait for
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
