Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
