Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And then my night got REAL pukey
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
