seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
