we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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