I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
