i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
