If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
