Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
