im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
