if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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