Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
