why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
